How to be a perfect leader (just kidding, I have no idea)

Last week, I met with an executive director who was celebrating a win. 

She had restructured her office hours and calendar availability to shift herself and her team to a four-day workweek. 

Fridays and weekends are now off-limits. Balance beware. 

I watched her then immediately take a call and commit to an all-hands-on-deck event on a Sunday, as clearly that was best for the community, which works Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. Notably, it also worked out better for the board to bring a potential funder who could attend that specific day. 

A wedge in the new work schedule. As the elevens formed on her forehead, I could see the clash of worlds hitting once again. The need to create balance for herself and her team, to show up for her community, and meet the needs of her board were constantly at odds. 

This is someone who leads with heart and says yes because she will figure it out as she always has.  

She takes phone calls after hours because she knows that the person on the other end needs to feel seen by her, so this is an exception to her rule. 

She has learned to speak in metrics and mission statements with just the right amount of urgency and optimism to gain attention (but only the right kind). 

She pretty much always wants to snap, yet somehow has the board, the funders, the staff, and the inbox all wrapped up with a bow.

And Fridays off? Yes, that is the new policy, damnit, and will be implemented after the Sunday event later this month. Add it to the high-priority list.  

I’ve been there (I bet you’re nodding your head as well). I’ve been the person who feels the pressure to answer emails right when they come because someone needs me to do their job. I’ve cried in my car over problems I’ve already solved, yet somehow still require my attention. I’ve stayed too long in the meeting that should’ve been an email and skipped the one where my gut told me a staff member needed me most.

None of these things made me a better leader, but I was raised to think that a leader has it all together, and I was terrified that someone would find out that I was faking it. 

Authentic leadership is messy. It’s curious. It’s changing. It’s in process.

It's beta testing and rough drafts. 

It’s kind of the secret of this whole adulting thing. You never really get “there” because there isn't actually a “there” to get to. 

The leaders I have learned the most from have nothing figured out and tons of experience winning, failing and figuring it out. We are all winging it. Taking our experiences and implementing them to the best of our ability. And we need help in the process. From other people who are winging it complimentary to our styles, therefore we fit together and create wins. 

Let’s take Fridays off. 

Imagine if instead of saying yes like we are supposed to to the Sunday event, we made sure the board understood that we have learned that when the core team works 4-day work weeks they are able stay top of the game for the overall mission, funding, and operations of the organization, and the Executive Director needed minimal budget for weekend contractors to fulfill our commitment to the 9-5 members of our community. Volunteers would be great, but they aren’t always reliable. The program really needs us to be there on Sundays from time to time and the ED and core staff won’t be available.

A slight shift, some advocating for contractors, and 

I’ve also built wild trust by being transparent with both your team and the board when I really didn’t have my isht together. And it doesn’t always go over well, but it creates a reasonable expectation that everyone can get behind. 

In this I owned my mistakes by naming them out loud and asking for input.

I created programs and solutions that work because I dared to do it my way, not the “right” way.

That’s the leadership I believe in. The kind that says:“I mayhave all the answers right now. But I’m here. I care. And I’m working on it.”

This is the kind of leadership I’m trying to practice now:

• Real over perfect. If it’s not authentic, it’s not sustainable.

• Aligned over polished. I care more about values than appearances.

• Evolving over static. I reserve the right to grow. So do you.
  

The nonprofit world doesn’t need more perfect leaders. It needs more whole ones.

Want to Lead Differently?

If you’ve ever felt like you’re faking it, failing it, or flat-out flailing, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad leader. It might just mean you’re a real one.

If this hits home for you, come hang out with me on I’m Working On It, my podcast-meets-playground where we ditch the performative BS and talk about what it actually looks like to lead, build, and be a human at the same time.

Let’s break the myth together. And maybe… build something better in its place.